


dead girl walking

by hellfireschmellfire



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Theatre, Crossdressing, Crushes, First Kiss, HEATHERS THE MUSICAL: starring eren jeager, M/M, Making Out, Mikasa Ackerman & Levi Are Not Related, Public Display of Affection, Secret Crush, probably ooc lol, the theatre au nobody asked for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 06:19:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15504165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellfireschmellfire/pseuds/hellfireschmellfire
Summary: With Mikasa sick, and her understudy missing, it's up to Eren Jaeger to fill the role of Veronica in their school production of Heathers: The Musical. Whether or not he can survive having fake sex with his crush on stage is a different matter entirely.





	dead girl walking

**Author's Note:**

> a few notes on this  
> im skipping A LOT of the script, obviously, so things will go from a part of eren's dialogue to the start of a new song etc... just cause theres no point in writing out the whole script. i dont know if youll understand this without having SEEN heathers the musical, but i hope ive written in a way that isnt too confusing or dependant on it  
> xoxo i started writing at 4am and its 7am now lol  
> in case it wasnt obvious, eren is veronica, levi is jd, reiner and bert are kurt and ram, and ymir, krista and erwin are the heathers (it doesnt rlly matter tho this is all about eren wanting dick)  
> also, i thought this was PAINFULLY obvious, but levi and mikasa arent siblings in this

Backstage was a mess. Eren felt like he’d been flung into a war movie with the amount of running around and screaming, and he could already feel beads of sweat on his forehead form in the sweaty, thick air of the rooms. Footsteps trampled heavily, as people fretted over costumes, over makeup, over props…

Over the fact that they didn’t have a fucking actress for the lead role.

“This is a catastrophe!” Eren heard Armin cry, the boy shaking with visible distress, running a hand through his newly greasy locks. His eyebrows were drawn in considerably more than usual, and he looked like he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He could see Sasha at his side, looking extremely similar in her emotional state, but not breaking from her place pinning Krista’s costume into place while Connie wrapped a mic around her.

The whole cast was crowded together, in various stages of ready. There was still an hour until the show began, but in theatre, an hour was essentially five minutes if you were stressed out enough. And clearly, everyone was. Krista and Ymir didn’t stand far apart, despite Krista’s current position being fretted over by the two technicians. Bertholdt and Reiner looked the epitome of the jock stereotype; white shirts with varsity jackets slung over them, jeans too baggy and hair too messy for the current decade. Erwin looked as calm as he always did, seeming out of place considering the hectic nature of the environment, and Hange furiously scoured their phone, presumably to attempt to rectify this situation.

Eren heard a cough from his side, flinching before he saw Levi had been leaning against the wall near him, black trench coat looking as fitting on him as it did the first time they’d done a dress rehearsal, and every time he’d worn it after that. (He’d worn that coat a total of seven times, not like Eren kept track.)

“I thought Annie was the understudy?” The shorter boy spoke cooly, not moving from his position or even bothering to move the stray hair that fell out of place on his forehead. 

“She is, which would be a lot of help if we actually knew where the fuck she was.” Erwin looked at Levi as he spoke, and the tension in his voice was obvious. Levi didn’t even reply, and Eren could see his glare darken as Erwin was the one who replied. The two of them had an unexplained distaste for one another that had been prevalent since Eren first joined the club. Whatever the juicy drama was between them was lost on Eren, the two of them being seniors whilst Eren was a sophomore. He barely knew a thing about either of them.

Well, that wasn’t exactly true. He didn’t know anything about Erwin, but he knew a fucking lot about Levi. Probably (definitely) more than the elder was aware, but, well, a few google searches and you can find anything. Levi’s relationship status, his age, his birthday, his star sign, pictures of him when he was younger with a ridiculous mullet, embarrassing pictures of him at Christmas parties, his sexuality…

Okay, Eren was a bit of a freak when he had crushes. Obsessive wasn’t the word Eren liked to use; he preferred “inquisitive”. 

“We’re gonna have to cancel the show.”

“We go on in an hour, Reiner! We can’t just cancel!”

“Well how the Hell do you propose we fuckin’ do Heathers without a goddamn lead?”

“Nothing is gonna get done with your fucking attitude!”

Eren couldn’t say he’d be ridiculously upset if it was cancelled, but he would be angry that he’d spent so long throwing up in his mouth over his crush kissing his sister over nothing. Oh God, even remembering it now made him want to hurl. Seeing the two of them have so much chemistry on stage, holding each other,  _ god forbid the fucking  _ **_sex scene_ ** **.** Of course, with this came with the hours of hearing Mikasa complain about every little thing Levi would do, and hearing him do the same when Eren was eavesdropping on his conversations in the hall.

He supposes if he were more than ensemble, he’d care more. That was why other members of the ensemble weren’t running around screaming like the main cast; most were simply there to boost their chances of getting into college by having extra curriculars. Eren swore he heard Thomas say he was relieved they wouldn’t perform cause that way nobody would see him have a breakdown on stage when he had to say his one line. 

Jean was more high strung about it, though. His one line was directed towards Mikasa - or at least, it was before she ended up bedridden with illness the day before opening - at a party, which ended with her calling him a “hot guy”. Jean had spent more time gloating over being called that by Mikasa than he’d ever spent time doing anything ever, despite Eren’s consistent persistence that it was just part of the script, and if Annie ended up playing the main role she’d say it to him as well.

“There has to be someone else who knows the lines; they’re mostly lyrics anyway.” Hange spoke reasonably, keeping their voice steady as they stuffed their phone in their pocket. No luck with Annie, then. If Eren was honest, he wasn’t surprised; she only seemed to be there to speak to Reiner and Bert, anyway.

“Hasn’t it got to be a girl, though?”

“A girl, or a really pretty twink.” Connie laughed with his statement, before his eyes landed on Eren. He stopped laughing. Everyone stopped speaking. Everyone started _ staring.  _ Feeling almost a dozen eyes on him, Eren backed up slightly, only to be pushed back forward by Levi. The elder male’s eyes were locked on him too, looking him up and down, like a lion eying a gazelle. Sweat dripped down Eren’s face.

They couldn’t be serious! Veronica’s role was for a female, a lady, which Eren was not. Eren didn’t even look like a girl! Just because he had plump cheeks, and a small frame, and doe eyes, and...

Fuck.

"Hey, no, this is-- Just because I helped Mikasa practise every night doesn't mean I can do this!" Eren stuttered, hands out defensively in front of him, turning from Levi to face the others. This wasn't happening; Erwin may have been playing a female role, sure, but that was because they'd tweaked the script and changed the costume. After all, nobody could play a bitchy blonde quite like Erwin. (Eren also imagined that Levi experienced some slight satisfaction when his character poisons Erwin's with drain cleaner, but that's just a hunch.)

Sasha's hands were on him almost immediately, mentally taking measurements before comparing them to her notes of the costumes she'd crafted. Her manic grin did not bode well for Eren's anxiety, and he was barely able to get a word in edgeways as he was forced into a makeup chair. He was crowded by the whole main cast, as Hange furiously ransacked her supplies, poking and prodding at Eren's face with various iterations of her torture devices. He could feel his arguments die in his throat when Eren could see Levi's gaze on him through the mirror, and tried to fight down the blush rising up his cheeks.

It felt like a fever dream as he was stripped and forced into a schoolgirl uniform. He'd sent everyone apart from Sasha and Armin out of the room as soon as the glutton had attempted to swipe his shirt, keeping the latter for moral support. Armin spoke to him softly, as he always did, telling Eren that there was still time to cancel, but he knew he could do it, that everyone is so proud of him. 

"You know I can't turn you down when you speak with that voice, dude." Eren chuckled, but his wide eyes and erratic breathing betrayed his true feelings, those being that he was fucking terrified. Everyone was going to make fun of him for this for the rest of his time at high school, he knew it as soon as he felt stockings roll up above his knees. He knew as soon as a wig was placed on his head. He also knew as soon as he scanned the script he already memorised by heart, picturing the stage directions in his head, that he was extra fucked. Because he’d neglected to think about one little detail.

“I have to fake fuck Levi on stage.” He squeaked out, the script slipping from his grasp as his face lit up bright red, his palms clamming up. Nononono, there was no way. He had to take the costume off, he had to tell them he couldn’t do it,  _ he couldn’t _ ,  **_he couldn’t-_ ** -

“Eren!” Armin’s voice snapped him out of his meltdown, though he was still shaking, “It’s just acting, okay? I didn’t realise you hated him that much, Eren.”

“I don’t hate him, Armin.” Eren whispered desperately, hoping his best friend would pick up the hint before he ended up screaming it for everyone to hear.

“What do you mean you don’t, why else would you be...” Armin’s eyes widened a fraction, forcing out a small ‘oh’. Armin seemed to stop for a moment, weighing something up in his mind. “Eren, listen-”

“FIVE MINUTES, LET’S GO.” Reiner’s voice boomed, interrupting both boys and barging into the room that the two had been conversing in before stopping dead in his tracks and staring at Eren long enough that the younger boy shifted uncomfortably, pulling the skirt down in embarrassment, unable to speak a word. He hadn’t realised how revealed he felt until he felt Reiner’s gaze, and a spike of anxiety hit Eren once more.

“Eren, you look…” Reiner trailed off, still staring at Eren’s slightly pudgy legs and the thigh highs that concealed them. He shook his head, before handing Eren the coat and notebook he needed for the opening number silently, still seeming unable to shake the sight of Eren dressed in such a manner. “Fuck, okay, let’s just do it. You look… You look great.” He breathed, and Eren’s eyes widened at the proclamation, internally hoping that he wasn’t lying. 

He allowed himself to be steered around backstage by his two friends, again feeling uncomfortable at the stares from his fellow cast members as he drifted by them. Out of the corner of his eyes, he swore he could see Jean’s jaw drop. He, at the very least, blinked twice at the sight of Eren, and the brunette felt a small ounce of victory from that resolution. Of course, that good feeling was immediately washed away when the reality of the situation set it.

In less than five minutes, he was going to be crossdressing on a stage in front of people he knew, having not studied the script or the blocking/choreography with the intention of playing the character he was about to parade around as. And then, if that wasn’t enough, he had to have fake sex on stage with his crush and kiss him and attempt to have some sort of chemistry with him despite not being able to look at the other for more than five seconds before popping a mild stiffy.

Holy fuck. He was going to die.

The stage lights were dimmed, and he could hear Connie’s voice over the intercom, reminding people to switch off their mobile devices. Eren wished that he could hear Connie’s voice say that a fire had started in the building so he wouldn’t have to step on stage, but no such luck. He felt Armin nudge him forward onto the dark stage as soon as the audience quietened, and Eren sucked a breath in. This was it. He prayed to God that everyone telling him his singing voice sounded like a girl’s was enough to draw people’s attention away from the fact that they were essentially witnessing a drag performance.

Eren sucked in a breath.

And then he walked on stage.

He could barely feel his legs as he walked, as though he was working on auto pilot, and he stood in the position he had seen Mikasa in so many times before. There was no turning back now, was there? He was in this for the long run. He was really doing this. As everyone else settled into position, he prepared himself to recite the lines he knew so well but never imagined he would be speaking.

“September 1st, 1989. Dear diary...” As the music kicked in, the stage lights flickered on, nearly blinding him. The bright light blocked out his vision of most of the audience, which he was so fucking thankful for. He couldn’t hear a single snicker or a mumble of disapproval, his voice didn’t crack and he was stood in the correct position.

Maybe this wouldn’t be as bad as he thought.

The beginning of ‘Beautiful’ passed like a dream, though he struggled to contain his laughter when Bert raised his voice in an arrogant snarl, doing his best impression of a jock. It was a lot different being part of the ensemble, than actually hearing his lines being spoken directly in Eren’s face. It was only when he had to speak to Erwin, that he felt his nerves kick in.

Because Erwin was looking at him like he wanted to fucking kill him.

Erwin was dressed in a preppy, rich boy outfit from the 80’s, looking like an absolute vision in red. And he was glaring at Eren as though the other was wearing a fucking trash bag, and Eren wasn’t wholly convinced it was a character choice. But why? The senior barely even acknowledged Eren on the best of days; he had no need to, considering they didn’t share the same age group or friend group. But this felt… Personal. Even when Erwin was saying compliments to Eren’s character, there was an edge of spite that hadn’t been there before Eren had switched roles.

Eren’s musing was cut short by Erwin’s hand brushing over his chest.

“And you know, this could be beautiful.” Erwin sang in his traditional baritone, a sardonic hint in his voice that only Eren seemed to catch. The hand on his chest trailed across Eren’s body as he sang, putting a cold emphasis on everytime he said “beautiful”, as though pointing out to Eren that he was speaking something far from the truth. Eren barely had time to register this before he croaked out his line and was ushered backstage by Ymir and Krista, Erwin’s “henchmen”, for his quick change.

Eren’s protective shroud - the coat - was pulled off of him before he had chance to shrug it off, and he realised now that he’d be fully exposed in the skirt and thigh highs on stage, but his thoughts were still racing from Erwin’s odd behaviour. What was it about Eren playing the main love interest that pissed Erwin off so much?

Eren ended up absorbed in conspiracies internally the whole time he was on stage, unwillingly. He spoke his lines with conviction, and his singing didn't falter, but he was still thinking. Even during the finale of the opening number, where Eren had to hold what he knew was the note of fucking death, he still had these thoughts on his mind. He barely even had time to gauge the audiences reaction to his outfit, before the song ended and dialogue began. Eren zoned out for most of it, reciting the lines he knew, until-

"Are we going to have a problem?" Erwin's bold statement cut through the silence. Eren realised this was the start of the second number, and he swallowed unwillingly. Erwin's behaviour the whole time had been off, and this was a song in which the whole aim was to push Eren around and show a display of power.

Erwin continued, saying his lines laced with spite and malice towards a boy who was just trying to save the show they'd all worked hard on. Eren didn't have to do much other than accept the mild shoves off of the three Heathers; Ymir grinning, Krista smiling apologetically, and Erwin pushing Eren so hard he was sure there would be bruises. The brunette could not wait for this fucking song to end, and as soon as he heard the roaring applause, he wanted so badly to make a run for it, because he knew what was next.

“You shouldn’t have bowed down to the swatch dogs and the diet coke heads. They’re going to crush that girl.” A deep, monotone voice broke through after the applause died down. And Eren knew he was fucked. He turned reluctantly, and saw exactly what he was dreading seeing. Levi sat on a part of the set made to be a staircase - in that  _ damn trench coat  _ \- looking through his fringe at Eren. The brunette could already feel butterflies and it had been less than a minute. He was supposed to kiss this fucking adonis, supposed to straddle him in a number, supposed to-

“I’m sorry, what?”

It was gonna be a long fucking musical. Eren wouldn’t be able to look at Winona Ryder the same way ever again after this, he already knew.

Eren couldn’t lie. Seeing Levi, Reiner, and Bert in a fake fight was something he wasn’t prepared for, but didn’t entirely hate. Eren wasn’t paying attention at all to the scenes that didn’t concern him, conserving his efforts for when he was needed, but… Damn. That was some hot shit. It didn’t even feel like acting when the song started, and he had to sing about how hot it was, because… Well, violent boys got him going. All three of them moved in slow motion, as Eren moved around them.

As Eren sang and maneuvered the stage in the way he’d seen Mikasa do countless times before, he could barely even look at Levi as he had to touch the boy. He attempted to keep his touches brief, but he couldn’t help but have his hands linger on the tight muscles of his arm, sighing slightly as he moved Levi’s arms around him. He had to remind himself that it was just the choreography, that Levi’s warm breath against his neck was nothing, that he should really stop touching Levi now that the song was over. 

Shit.

The stage lights switched off after Eren’s last note, and he realised in horror that he was still pressed against Levi’s front, holding the smaller man’s arms around him. He immediately pushed the other away and darted off stage when he noticed his actions, but not before he noticed he other’s expression. He looked… Amused? Well, that made sense. Eren was making a massive fucking fool of himself in front of his crush, and while yes, he could claim it was a character choice, everyone knew that would be a bold faced lie.

Eren struggled to regain his breathing, even as he was finally officially off stage.

Yes, Eren was undoubtedly fucked beyond belief.

Most of the beginning parts passed by in a blur. Whenever Eren was offstage, he was wiping sweat off of his face and attempting to catch whatever breath he could. When he was onstage, he spoke with as much effort as he could, but whenever Levi was with him, he always felt his breath catch. It wasn’t too noticeable, but from the sly quirk of Levi’s lips, the other was definitely aware. Oh God, he totally knew. Eren knew that he knew. Levi probably knew that Eren knew that he knew.

Eren could barely even stand during Levi’s solo song. The other’s gaze was consistently on Eren for a whole four minutes, and Eren could feel his ears light up bright red with each line. To the audience, Eren supposed he was playing a really fucking convincing girl in love. To Levi he was probably just a mess, as usual.

Before Eren knew it, it was time.

It was fucking time.

The scene he’d dreaded, the one that send chills down his spine:

Time to fucking ride Levi.

Eren sang, barely able to get the words out as he shook with anticipation. Were there boundaries? Jesus fuck, why did Mikasa have to fucking eat that leftover Taco Bell and be ill; Eren was sure he’d feel less sick watching Mikasa seduce Levi than Eren felt at the thought of he himself doing it. Him and Levi hadn’t even discussed the scene… There were no boundaries set, no rules, no practice.

“Here’s an option that I like,” Eren paused, looking up at a shirtless Levi that stood on an elevated part of the stage, acting his part out silently.  _ Good fucking sweet Jesus Christ his shirt is gone there is no shirt no shirt at all he is built like a fucking God.  _ “Spend these thirty hours getting freaky!” Eren turned towards the audience, smiling as though he was actually about to go and fuck Levi, because his heart was pounding as though that was the case.

Fake sex scenes happen all the time in television, so why is it different in musicals? Mikasa had said once, and Eren had agreed with her wholeheartedly. Art was art after all, no matter how you expressed it.

Eren wished he’d swallowed his agreement, because he felt physically shook to the core at having to do this.

“I need it hard, I’m a dead girl walking.” Eren slowly approached Levi as he sang, climbing the stairs reluctantly, knowing the closer he got to the shirtless senior was essentially how close he was getting to his death. He continued, until he was on Levi’s level, stood adjacent to him. He wondered if Levi could taste his apprehension in the air.

As Levi rattled off his cue, Eren swallowed his pride. This was it.

“Sorry but I really had to wake you.” Eren approached with caution, taking note of the makeshift bed placed on stage that Levi was currently rising from. He stepped closer with each line he spoke, like an animal stalking it’s prey. He felt overcome with something the longer he carried on, his fear being pushed down. If he was going to fake seduce Levi, he was going to make it the most convincing fake seduction ever.

Eren prayed his Mom wasn’t watching.

“See I decided I must ride you ‘til I break you.” Eren knew he loomed over Levi more than a typical girl would, but he didn’t care about the audience’s immersion at that point. He placed his hand onto Levi’s bare chest, and realised he’d never fully sat through and taken account of every action Mikasa took during this scene. He was winging it. And it felt fucking great.

“Heather says I’ve got to go, you’re my last meal on death row.” Eren dragged his hand down, over the pale, soft skin of Levi’s abdomen. The shorter boy’s eyes seemed to widen slightly at the display, looking down at Eren’s limb as though the touch burned. The two were stood so close, so fucking close; Eren could feel Levi’s heartbeat, even with his hand so low down the toned flesh of his body.

“Shut your mouth, and lose those tightey whiteys.” The brunettes finger landed on Levi’s lips, and oh fucking Jesus they were soft, Eren was going to die and go to Heaven. It was at that point he realised that he would be an idiot not to take this opportunity. This was his crush, the guy he’d obsessed over since he first saw him at the start of freshman year, the guy he probably loved a little bit. And he was being reluctant about being able to make out with him? Not anymore.

Eren could barely even register the words he was speaking over his actions. Levi’s hands were on him, trailing up and down his sides roughly, grabbing his hips and pressing their bodies together. He could feel Levi mess with the hem of his skirt, and Eren wrapped his fingers into Levi’s hair. God, he’d wanted this for so fucking long.

He pushed Levi down onto his knees, and lifted the other’s head by lifting his chin gently. The elder was in such a submissive position and Eren could barely contain himself at that point. His veins were thrumming with electricity as Levi looked up at him through his eyelashes, his lips turned into a small smile at the edges, his entire face darkened into something more… Sensual. Eren almost froze. Either Levi was a really good actor, or… No. There was no way Levi was enjoying this as much as him.

Eren joined Levi on his knees, and the two were again on eye level. The brunette grabbed Levi’s hands and brought them between them, as he’d seen Mikasa do countless times before. It was strange. Out of all that had happened during this ‘routine’, the part he’d copied ended up seeming the least genuine. He ran his thumb over the soft flesh, fingers catching on small scars on his knuckles, fighting the urge to kiss them like the sappy romantic within him wanted to do. His voice in this part came out soft, as the slow, more ballad like music took over. He could barely look Levi in the eyes, but when he did, the other boy was staring right back.

“Let’s make this beautiful!” Eren’s voice heightened on the high note, and he braced himself for what came next. No more pussying around. After Levi’s line, there was no turning back for him. It was the scene. He scanned the other’s expression for any trace of reluctance, and was surprised not to find any. Eren’s tongue darted out to wet his lips before he could help himself, and he knew Levi watched the whole time. This wasn’t going to be Eren’s first kiss, but he knew it’d be the best he’d ever have.

“That works for me.”

Both their voices ceased as the instrumental kicked in, and there was barely a beat before their lips crashed together in a violent haze. It was messy; Eren was passionate, and Levi provided the skill that Eren lacked. Their tongues entwined and while Eren had never found that pleasurable before, with Levi, it felt like it’s own kind of orgasm. Eren’s hands grabbed whatever they could; his chest, his arms, hell, he even reached around and grabbed his ass. He wasn’t expecting Levi to react by grunting quietly and dragging Eren on top of him, but the younger wasn’t complaining.

Eren’s skirt was hiked up high, one of his stockings had slipped down, his shirt was half open, his hair was a mess and his lips were bruised.

And he felt fucking brilliant.

The stage lights were off before they even knew it, and a rambunctious applause greeted their ears. Eren panted heavily, still straddling Levi in a state of disarray. Levi looked like a wreck beneath him, and neither seemed ready to move, stuck in the moment. Fuck. That had just happened, they’d just done that.

Eren barely registered the rest of the whole musical. Whenever he and Levi shared the stage, he felt the chemistry with him grow. He didn’t turn away. His lips tingled each time they locked lips in future, and neither of them ever broke the kiss earlier than they needed to. Eren didn’t know what Levi felt, but he didn’t even care; as long as there was no disgust in his eyes, he didn’t care. 

Well, no disgust from Levi. Erwin, on the other hand… He’d only gotten more angry since that scene. His eyes were hardened and he spat his lines to Eren, rather than speaking. He exhibited similar behaviour to Levi, but the younger boy caught the looks the blond cast in Levi’s direction when the other was turned away.

Oh.

He was  _ jealous. _

Maybe Eren should have calmed down with the on stage romance at that realisation, but the voice inside him wanted otherwise. His kisses got harder, his lines to Levi more soaked with infatuation, even when their characters were in conflict. Erwin did not get to ruin this for him with his childish behaviour, if he wanted to do this, he should have donned the skirt and done it himself. But he didn’t. So yeah, if Eren locked eyes with Erwin once or twice during a romantic moment, he had the right. 

It was the end of the musical before Eren knew it. A roaring applause and a standing ovation greeted the actors as they took their bows at the end, Levi’s hand connected with his during the curtain call. He had Reiner the other side, who sent him an unapologetic wink during the applause. Eren couldn’t help but grin brightly.

Backstage was a completely different aura than it had been before. There tears, mainly of joy, and Eren ended up engulfed in the worlds biggest group hug, Armin’s tears soaking his shoulder as he thanked Eren for saving his show. Reiner slapped him on the back and complimented him, and Bert smiled softly, his way of agreement. Even Jean unwillingly told Eren that “you were okay, I guess”. As much as Eren sought approval from others, there was only one person he needed to see at that point. 

Levi wasn’t far away, lighting up a cigarette outside, as he usually did before and after most sessions. He looked up when he heard the sound of the door, and when he saw Eren, he almost looked glad.

“So…” Eren started, trailing off, not knowing what to say to the guy you’d barely spoken to but had definitely gotten acquainted to intimately.

“So? Damn, kid. You were a fucking riot on stage, cat got your tongue?” Levi spoke in his usual sardonic drawl, still taking intakes of his cigarette as he stared up at Eren, waiting for him to actually manage to formulate a reply rather than just stand there staring.

“I-- Uhm. Hi?”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Eren. Are you useless at everything but kissing?” Eren had spoken to Levi before, he knew how to speak to Levi. They weren’t exactly friends but whenever there was an opportunity to be in the elders presence, he’d always taken it. So he didn’t know why now he was stumbling like an idiot to try and even say the simplest thing. Levi rolled his eyes, and whipped a pen out of his pocket before grabbing Eren’s arm roughly and scribbling on it.

Eren just looked wide eyes at the numbers plastered over his tanned skin, and looked at Levi with a bewildered expression, like a deer in the headlights.

“Do I have to spell every fucking thing out, kid? That’s my number. You call it. We arrange things. I buy you flowers and you cry from the gesture. We go out to dinner and shit. Okay?” Levi spoke slowly, as if Eren would actually think his words made sense if he spoke to him as though he was an infant.

“O-Okay?”

“Good. Now get fucking lost so I can smoke this in piece.”

Eren didn’t have to be told twice.

He walked in a daze away from Levi, looking at the writing on his arm like it was written in Arabic. He knew he was acting like a blushing schoolgirl, but goddammit, he was dressed like one so he may as well use it as an excuse to act like one. 

“Oh, and Eren?”

Eren turned to face Levi, mouth dry.

“Thigh highs suit you. Maybe you should get some underwear to match.”

When Eren returned home, Mikasa questioned why he was walking around like his head was in a cloud, and asked how Annie performed in her absence. All Eren could ask was where the nearest Victoria’s Secret was.


End file.
